The Spiritual growth of a child is a parental responsibility

जन्मैश्वर्यश्रुतश्रीभिरेधमानमदः पुमान् ।

नैवार्हत्यभिधातुं वै त्वामकिञ्चनगोचरम् ॥ २६ ॥

janmaiśvarya-śruta-śrībhir edhamāna-madaḥ pumān

naivārhaty abhidhātuṁ vai tvām akiñcana-gocharam ॥ 1.8.26 ॥

Śrīmad Bhāgavatam

This shloka from the 1st Skanda of Śrīmad Bhāgavatam says that a person who grows surrounded by comforts and shielded from the challenges of human life often finds it difficult to develop humility and a genuine spiritual connection.

In the modern world, parents are increasingly protective of their children. Since the start of the trend of "only one child", parent's sole aim has become one to try and make life predictable and easy. The hyper-focus on this single child is to ensure that the child doesn’t take even one single wrong step and has a smooth, “successful” trajectory—leading to a formulaic progression of career, marriage, single child, and financial security.

While the debate regarding the number of children to have is for another day, I would like parents to consider the following points as a guide for parenting.

Too much comfort too early makes it harder for a child to grow deep spiritual roots.

1. Comfort Without Discipline Breeds Entitlement

When children always get what they want, and when life never tells them “wait,” “try again,” or “work for it,” they begin to assume:

• that things come easily,

• that they deserve everything, and

• that even the slightest hardship is unfair.

This weakens their resilience. The shloka reminds us that such subtle pride becomes a wall between the child and higher values.

2. Excess Makes Them Forget the Source of Blessings

Children surrounded by luxury may not realize:

• the value of money,

• the effort behind their comforts,

• the privilege they live in, or

• the grace that supports their life.

Humility cannot grow where everything is taken for granted.

इष्टान् भोगान् हि वो देवा दास्यन्ते यज्ञभाविताः ।

तैर्दत्तानप्रदायैभ्यो यो भुङ्क्ते स्तेन एव सः ॥ 3.12 ॥

iṣṭān bhogān hi vo devā dāsyante yajña-bhāvitāḥ।

tair dattān apradāyaibhyo yo bhuṅkte stena eva saḥ ॥ 3.12 ॥

Bhagavad Gita

The gods, nourished by your spirit of sacrifice (yajña), will grant you desirable enjoyments. But one who, having received these, enjoys them without acknowledging their source and without sharing in return is indeed a thief.

3. Over-Comfort Shrinks Their Emotional Strength

When parents try to remove every hardship from the child’s path, the child grows up:

• afraid of failure,

• unable to handle “no,” and

• deeply anxious in adult life.

Small struggles in childhood prepare them for the larger struggles of adulthood. If parents absorb all the discomfort, children enter life unprepared.

In the western world, once children grow up, they are expected to either leave home to work or study or work part-time while studying. However, in modern Indian households, children remain dependent on parents for finances and choices until marriage—now usually between 27–30 years of age—as if they are to be safely “handed over” to the spouse.

Growing without owning responsibility for decisions, without developing resilience, without learning to share, accommodate or make adjustments and the unwarranted constant parental intrusions are some of the reasons I observed through my practice for increasing divorce rates among Hindu couples. To add to this Grihasta Dharma and marriage vows are not explained prior to marriage which I hope to address through workshop module on "pre-marital counselling". This we shall discuss another time.

Other topics to explore another day is "The right age of marriage as per Gṛihastha Dharma." and "How to stay married and not divorce, as per Grihasta Dharma."

Let us return to the topic.

4. Over-Indulgence Dulls Spiritual Sensitivity

A child who is always entertained, pampered, and surrounded by comforts rarely asks:

• “Who am I?”

• “What is the purpose of life?”

• “How do I make myself useful?”

Comfort can create a false fullness that masks inner emptiness.

The Bhagavatam shloka says the Divine is accessible only to the akiñcana—those who are innocent, humble, and not intoxicated by their privileges.

5. The Goal is Not Hardship — It is Balance

This teaching does not suggest depriving children of affection or security. It only warns against raising children who are emotionally soft, spiritually shallow, and materially dependent. As a mental health practitioner, I see with concern that modern Hindu parenting is slowly drifting away from Dharmic principles. Parents seem to have adopted:

• hyper-protectiveness

• over-calculation

• avoidance of discomfort

• poor communication

• fear-based decision making

All of these lead to fragile adulthood in future for the growing child. Right parenting should should show balance in teaching children: warmth with boundaries,  love with accountability, comfort with responsibility and freedom with consequences.

6. What Parents Can Practically Do

✔ Teach gratitude daily: Encourage children to share at least one thing they are grateful for.

✔ Do not give everything they ask: Let them wait. Let them earn.

✔ Allow small failures: Don’t shield them from every difficulty.

✔ Involve them in service: Let them help at home, share with others, and see those less privileged.

✔ Model humility: Children learn more from imitation than from instruction.

As parents, let us give our children enough comfort to feel loved, but not so much that they forget how to live.

Concept: Dr. Malladi Srinivasa Sastry